How To Write: A Romance

It occurred to me while thinking about Valentine’s Day, being that today is Valentine’s Day Eve Eve, that I am extremely single, yet somehow still pull off writing romances. Or at least, romancy stories with romance elements. And the world doesn’t need anymore Fifty-Shades of Grey so I’m not going to get into erotica. You perverts.

Number 1: Preferably, have two people, but if you must,  then create a triangle.

I’ve never really got the whole triangle idea. Especially since a triangle has three sides connecting to three points. I’ll give you an example.


Becky loves Tom, but she also kind of loves Jerry. But can you really call it a triangle if there’s no connection between two points. You can’t call it a love triangle if a whole section of the triangle ain’t feeling the love. But who am I to contemplate simple geometry. But more seriously, if you are going to create a love triangle, make it appropriate.

If your story demands that you integrate a love triangle, then, by all means, create one. I just know that whenever I’m reading a story and I come across a “triangle”, I just regret picking the book up in the first place. Especially if the entire plot is centered around that darn triangle.

Number 2: Make them fall in love!

You cannot just say, “and then they fell in love” and hope that the reader will be satisfied. At least not most of the time. I mean, it’s your story do whatever you want. So add some story to it. Did they hate each other at first? Was there an instant attraction? What made them grow together? Find a way for them to love each other and make the chemistry real, not forced.

Number 3: Create a Conflict

Please don’t make the conflict a childish one. Where the two are in a committed relationship and one does something that can be solved with real human conversation, but instead, act like children. Because that’s just dumb. Be creative. But think about it first. Take your creative idea and pick the stupidity out of it in what I like to call the writer’s refinery process. But seriously, everything can’t be hunky-dory. Something needs to happen to move the plot forward.

Number 4: One of them needs to save the other at least once.

I mean, someone can pull a superman and swoop in and catch Lois off the building, or they can save each other from their own darkness or whatever.

Number 5: Make people wish they were there.

The reader should wish they were a part of the relationship. They should be so jealous of the chemical bond you created between to the two that they don’t want to leave the world that you created.

Number 6: Other people exist in the world. Remember that.

Does your duo have any friends outside of their own little paradise-like bubble? A third wheel maybe? I mean, perhaps they have parents, sisters, brothers, pets, coworkers, exes, facebook friends, stalkers, what have you. Life doesn’t end after you fall in love. Wait, it doesn’t, does it?


Look, I see where it comes from. Writing comes from fantasy and our fantasy is going to be full of beautiful people. I guess. But you don’t need to fall in love with someone that would put all models of this spacious universe to shame. I mean, a story should be relatable to some degree. One character should never be too much of anything. Unless that’s the point you’re trying to make.


Okay, so I’m watching the Grammys while I’m writing this, and Twenty One Pilots won a Grammy, but they took their pants off first. I was really confused, but then really couldn’t wait for them to explain themselves in their underwear. If you look really closely on their knees, you can see the tattoos they gave themselves. Man, I love them.









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